I’ve been a “people pleaser” for as long as I could remember, and relied solely on the fact that I need to “make a good impression” and “satisfy everyone’s needs”. It carried on all throughout my life. Need everyone to like me? Yup. Concerned about what people thought of me? That too. Putting everyone before myself? Check. The list goes on.
I’ve always felt an obligation to put others before myself, make sure everyone is happy, but that didnt always mean that I was being honest with my opinions and that I was happy.
I look back and I think: why?
It was only since a couple of months ago, I realized that this was merely something that I chose to do, not a necessity of what I had to do.
–And this doesn’t mean that I became a sudden “jerk” or “stuck up”, frankly, I’m a really kind person, I just came to being truthful with myself and the people around me.
I can’t say that I’ve gotten ahold of the whole people-pleasing-syndrome situation, but I’ve managed and it’s definitely at a point where I can control most instances. So here are some tips I’ve gathered through countless articles and advice from the people around me.
1. Ask yourself: “Do you really want to do this?”
There comes a time when you feel pressured to do things, and you can make some stupid decisions as a group of people are pushing down on you. Whether it be something major, such as drugs/alcohol/yada yada yada or even minor things, like riding a stupid rollercoaster.
Spending your precious time on things you don’t even want to be doing is so draining, and if you have the choice to avoid that, then go for it!
At the end of the day, it’s your life, and if people aren’t happy with your decisions, so what? They’ll get over it. (Hopefully)
Just make sure the “yes”s you say are about something you are truly OK with.
2. Set your priorities.
Priorities are the real deal. Balance out the more important things to do: example:
- Your best friend is in a crisis (who knows what that may be)
- Go to a party with a side group of friends
It may be tempting to attend that party, especially since there’s probably going to be a lot of people there, you can showcase yourself, whatever.
But putting your priorities straight reveals that your best friend comes first. So corny, I know. Save it for later.
A friendly “no, I had something else planned” seals the deal and you’re good. No strings attached.
3. Save your “sorry”s
Why say sorry when you don’t mean it? Why? Why? I, myself, am a victim of this as well, don’t get me wrong.
But sometimes I stop and think: Why say sorry when I don’t mean it? Why say sorry when I don’t need to?
I didn’t even realize this habit until my brother pointed this out a few months ago and it’s stuck with me since.
I’ve progressively let go of my unnecessary “sorry”s and now only use it when I truly feel sorry about something.
it helps! 🙂
The purpose of this post was to share my experience and I’ve noticed how draining it was to live through it. Here I am, now happy and working slowly on my self improvement. 🙂